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Friday, 22 August 2008

Thursday, 20 September 2007

  • Currently Listening
    Turn Around
    By Jonny Lang
    5 - Turn Around
    see related
    Have you ever felt like there's a big black hole inside of you that can't be filled? I get this feeling once a year around this time. No matter what I do, I can't seem to make it go away. Even praying & surrendering my life to God can't make it all go away. Maybe it's regret &/or loneliness that leaves me like this. Maybe I need to be something different.
    This has been one of the first years that hasn't followed "the" pattern. This is only the second job I've had that didn't start in July or August, but I'm doing so much better at it than the last "spring: job I had. I'm making more than I've ever made, but I'm not making enough to live on my own yet. My debt is catching up to me, I'm paying it off, but I still can feel it's weight at times. Today I just fell like going home and crying, but that won't help much. I'll still feel like this when I wake up tomorrow.
    The biggest thing I feel right now is loneliness. I really fells like I'm missing someone, but I don't think I've ever met them even though I know I should have by now. I fell like I'm missing more than one person that should be here. There's a critical element that is missing that is causing my grief to build. I think this is the worst it's ever been. I'm stuck for the moment & I don't know how to get out.

Thursday, 09 August 2007

  • Survey! (from MySpace)

    (x-posted to Gaia, LJ, MySpace & Facebook)

    1. What's worse - Physical or Mental cheating?
    Physical - I don't consider emotional affairs cheating

    2. Is it easier to forgive or forget?
    forgive; because it doesn't mean you have to trust the person, you just have to release them.

    3. Can men and women be " Just Friends "?
    Yes

    4.Would you live with someone without marrying them?
    Yes, but probably only if I moved to Great Britain at this point.

    5. Favorite sport?
    Tennis to play, Rodeo to watch

    6. Do you squeeze toothpaste from the middle or end of the tube?
    squeeze it out of the tube from the middle, then close the cap & roll the stuff @ the end towards the front.

    7. How do you feel about tanning booths?
    good for a base tan before the season starts, but too much is still harmful & looks really fake.

    8. Friends with benefits?
    Been there, done that

    9. Do you believe in angels?
    Yes

    10. Would you rather take pictures or be in pictures?
    both

    21. Hot Carl or Blumpkin?
    * wishes she hadn't googled the terms to find out what they mean*

    22. Ever kissed a random person and then walked away?
    nope, but I wanna :p

    23. Have you ever had any type of relationship with a married person?
    As in more than just friends?  The answer is still yes....

    24.What is your ringtone?
    Gnarles Barkley - "Gone, Daddy, Gone"

    25. If you could play any sport professionally what would it be?
    Marching Band

    27. Are you a jealous person?
    on occasion

    28. Would you ever have plastic surgery?
    Yes, tummy tuck after I lose weight & have kids.

    30. Who has the sexiest accents?
    Toss up between Japanese women (with the little giggle in the conversation) & Scottish men

    31. Would you ever kiss the last person you kissed again?
    Yes, but they call them "one night stands" for a reason

    32. Favorite song?
    Can't choose

    33. Favorite movie?
    Don't really have one, but the Pirates of the Carrebean movies are really cool

    34. What's your occupation?
    Technical Help Desk for a major US Airline.

    35. What is your astrological sign?
    Scorpio

    36. Are you a beach, country or city person?
    Usually a city girl

    37. Have you ever seen or called anyone you met on MySpace?
    MET on myspace? no, but I have a lot of rl friends on here

    38. Have you ever had a "secret affair"?
    as in "had sex regularly with someone who was otherwise taken?" Yes

    39. If you could own a non-traditional pet which would it be?
    FERRET!

    40. Favorite show/movie as a child?
    Movie: Annie
    TV Show: Sesame Street

    41. Where do you spend most of your money?
    Car payment (only 4 weeks left!)

    42. Are you currently working at a job that you hate?
    Not really....

    43. Have you ever been so heart broken that you called in sick to work?
    I wasn't working the only time I was that heartbroken....

    44. Favorite summer drink?
    Something cold & alcohol-y

    45. Can you change a car tire?
    Yep. Do I like to?  No.   Do I let the cute guy who pulls over to help do it? Totally!

    47. Favorite candle scent?
    White Barn Candle Co / Bath & Body Works Black Raspberry Vanilla, Fresh Pineapple or Moonlight Path

    48. Do you consider yourself adventurous?
    At times....

    49. What is your MySpace profile song?
    "Broken Sunday" by Saliva

    50. Favorite concert attended?
    EdgeFest 2002.  Got kissed on the cheek by Josey Scott

    51. Would you date an already attached man / woman?
    Depends on the situation....

    52. Would you sing Karaoke in front of co-workers?
    Totally!

    53. Can you shoot pool?
    Better than "bad," but worse than "good"

    54. Do you like your siblings' significant others?
    Only Child

    55. Can you drive a stick?
    Not out of first gear....

    56. When you marry will you wear white?
    Nope, I wanna wear silver

    57. Have you ever sat and hoped for a phone call?
    Yes

    58. Ever skip school and spend the day at the beach?
    There is no beach to skip school for....

    59. Fav. TV show?
    Right now? Doctor Who or Torchwood ( Yeah, I know I live in the States, but that's what the internet is for ;))

    60. Last piercing you got?
    When I got my ears gaged....

Friday, 03 August 2007

  • You know how it goes, days, weeks, months, years have gone by & you're over it, you're so over it.  Then, one late night, you read your story, only it's happened 3 times to your one and it's happened to someone you care about even if you haven't seen or talked to them in a long time.  You are right back where you were two months after it happened, wanting to scream and cry and pray about it all over again.  Desire without hope, your heart breaks into a million pieces in all of the places wounded before.  Now the World's a sadder place because this sh** keeps happening, but it's also better because you're not the only one.  The despair is back, the demons are whispering their lies in your head.  All you need is a little release, a little something to take the edge off, but, you know the pain is too deep to cover with unhealthy behavior; it never really worked before.

    All you want now is for the world to stop so you can find a shoulder to cry on.  You want to find that & want your friend to find the same.  You just hope there's someone out there who'll notice.

Thursday, 15 December 2005

  • Currently Listening
    Joy of Christmas
    By Royal Philharmonic Orchestra
    9. What Child Is This?
    see related

    My Letter to Santa

    While I was online, I stumbled across this and decided to send out my letter:

    Kidsis (at) gmail (dot) com Foyil, Oklahoma, United States

    Dear Santa Claus,

    My name is Heather.  I am a girl and I am already 26 years old!!  I live in the great city of Foyil.  Of course, that's in Oklahoma, United States, but I'll bet you knew that!!  This year I've been so good that I should really be on the 'Nice' List!!

    Santa Claus, some things I might like for Christmas this year are: -A blonde cheerleader; - James McAvoy; and, - a kitty.

    Santa Claus, I almost forgot to say...  Bless you, Santa, & give my love to Mrs. Claus, the elves and the reindeer.

    Love, Heather

    Is if by magic, I got this response:

    Kidsis (at) gmail (dot) com Foyil, Oklahoma United States

    #1, Rudolph Way North Pole, Canada HOH OHO

    Thursday, December 15, 2005

    HO!! Ho!! ho!! Heather!!

    Thank you for sending me your email all the way from Foyil!  Did you know that Foyil is one of Mrs. Claus' favourite places?  The other thing she really likes is to read all your wonderful emails.  As a matter of fact, she was just asking if I had heard from you lately! 

    My goodness, Heather!  Are you fibbing to ol' Santa Claus?!?  You can't possibly be 26 years old already!  Why it seems like only yesterday that I was leaving presents for a certain little girl and here you are now, practically one of Santa's elves! (*grin*)

    Sorry the presents the last little while probably haven't been quite as exciting as they were when you were a little girl but, well, you know how these things go (*wink*).  Anyway, Santa's glad to see some of the 'older kids' (not to mention anyone in particular!) still take the time to write.  I also hear you've been a good girl.  (Of course, you won't mind if I do a little checking, will you?) I'm glad you mentioned the reindeer because they're all outside playing reindeer games right now.  Did you know you can even vote for which reindeer will guide my sleigh this Christmas?  The elves are tickled you asked about them in your letter!  They're all very happy and busy making presents right now.  Of course, that's when they're not jumping into the present wrapping machine or telling silly jokes and singing songs!  

    Let's see what you put in your letter for Christmas wishes: 1. a blonde cheerleader; 2. james mcavoy and; 3. a kitty.  HO!! Ho!! ho!!  I see you'd like a special little friend for Christmas!  Whether you want a real kitty or just a pretend one, caring for a kitty takes a lot of work and love!  Santa and Rudolph want to make sure all pets are loved and cared for (just like you!) so, just to be sure, we'll have to check with your family to make sure its ok with everyone.  I hope you'll talk to your family about getting a kitty too.  But remember, just because I can't bring you a kitty this year doesn't mean you don't deserve one.  Sometimes the kitty you want needs extra special care or pets aren't allowed where you live.  Of course, if you do get a kitty for Christmas, the two of you will have to email Rudolph every year to let him know how you're doing! 

    HO!! Ho!! ho!!  Rudolph wants to take me for another test ride in the sleigh so I better get going!  The new sleigh is 'Internet-equipped' so I can even send & receive emails Christmas Eve!  I hope you'll come back to EmailSanta.com Christmas Eve to watch me go around the world!  Take care Heather and don't forget to come back and visit me here at EmailSanta.com on Christmas Eve!!  And remember...  only 10 more sleeps until Christmas!!

    All My Love, Santa Claus

    Thank you Heather for thinking of me!P.S.   Why thank you for the wonderful hugs & kisses Heather!  Here are some extra special hugs and kisses just for you from everyone at the North Pole!

    I think I'm going to do this every year.

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antidotex

  • Visit antidotex's Xanga Site
    • Name: Heather
    • Country: United States
    • State: Oklahoma
    • Metro: Owasso
    • Birthday: 11/20/1979
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 12/1/2005

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  • A 2o-something bisexual female who wants fame and all the good things it brings. Call me Kidsis.

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